sábado, 19 de diciembre de 2009

A message for this Winter Solstice

This is the time of darkness, the longest night. This is the darkest place in the year, in your life. This is that transition in labor, where you are somewhere between 7 and 8 centimeters and you are not seeing "the light at the end of the tunnel" yet. You aren't feeling like pushing and you don't feel like you've gotten anywhere in the last few hours. Its quiet, its dark, you are alone. It may feel like it will be this way forever, but it won't. You must call the light in.

You must call the sun back.

We must call the sun back.

As we prepare for the darkest night it is an opportunity for us to retreat within and think about the year. Where do we stand in our greatest darkness? How do we feel right now, right here?

I've had, as usual, an intense year. They always are. I've had moments of the brightest, most brilliant light. And that has been accompanied by the darkest, most bleak dark. This year I witnessed three little ones decide that their brief time with us was enough. This year I witnessed the closest I've ever felt to many beloved people. This year I witnessed several family's throw their anger and fury at me. This year I witnessed my increased ability to understand what I am responsible for and be honest about that. This year I was disillusioned by some people close to me who didn't meet my expectations. This year I was guided to look within myself and release my high expectations of myself.

This has been a year of dark and light.

And as I retreat to the cave of my winter wonderland, I am called to ask myself three questions which apply daily and they apply to any withdrawal or retreat. These are sublime questions that any couple pondering labor should ask themselves, that any woman contemplating motherhood should ask herself. And in the meantime, if you aren't a mother, or if you have been one for a while, this also applies:

1. What image have you, or others created about yourself that keeps you in fear to break?
2. Can you disappoint another to be true to yourself?
3. How responsible do you feel for your own creation?

Thank you for walking with me this year and as the light returns to our world, I hope you are still in it.

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